I’m back and I have nothing to say . I’m back and I’m cold and sad in the beautiful sun soaked valley of California near big sur. I have no answer but a desire to go back to that place of loss and contention at least my sadness would be understood and justified there. I wish I was Ina different degree, I don’t care about making money like I used to. I yearn for Tehran, for Beirut for tel aviv in this really fucked up way. I want cups of tea endless booze a million cigarettes alcohol calmed nerves sly sarcastic jokes and the closeness of friendship. I think I miss the Middle East more than my boyfriend right now, I think I need to go back
A moment of silence for our lost humanity.
So after seeing Tel Aviv I have decided that the people and culture are so similar to Beirut it makes me crazy, with one exception, the people here all walk a little bit taller, a little bit more confrontational, because once they swung the most sophisticated weapons from their shoulders when they are 19. They have the same fears as the Arabs I know on the other side, they like drinking Arak and listening to techno music smoking cigarettes as if their lungs will never give out.
I feel guilty for enjoying Tel Aviv, its a beautiful city, there is free wifi, food culture.But it feels like you are in a its a small world the ride — ( disneyland) everything is too nice, everyone stares, people when they assume im jewish ( apparently I also look like an Israeli) they then try and convince me to stay in Israel, There are also no Arab there, and the streets inthe heat of the day smell like cat piss, the sea is so clean, and the beaches are free and its strange to me that Im swimming in the same sea only miles north in Lebanon.
Speaking of how they see Lebanon, I keep having a very strange conversation over and over again. of Isalies who have been to lebanon in war and saying the land is so beautiful you would think its Heaven, and the experience they had there is like Hell. I dont know why but it haunts me, I keep thinking I wish the Liberal people of both countries could meet with eachother, but I know deep down in my heart the Lebanese are too scarred by their experience with Israel that there are too many MOOSKILEH (problem) and memories that die hard to really make any progress.
Anyways, computer is about to die, going to Jerusalem today, Hamas is firing rockets on their OWN capital full of Arabs and the holiest of religious sites, with rockets that have NO navigation, there is no humanity, and I feel numb to it all.
- Something I heard while watching a video of Israeli airstrikes on innocent civilians. (via x-cessive-bastard)